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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use fear the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”