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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|